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March 05 Goodbye cruel blogAnd the last is like the first...I typed out a nice farewell blog, attempted to install the photo control to upload a photo, and MSN Spaces lost the entry. At least it stayed consistently crappy until the end.
In case the lack of posts over the past 6 weeks hasn't indicated it, this blog is going on hiatus. I guess that means pretty much what it means in the TV industry...it may be back and some unspecified time in the future, it may never be back, and by and large the viewing/reading audience probably doesn't care much one way or the other.
While it's been fun writing the blog, work has been taking much more of my time than it used to, blogging has been lower on my priority list, and I never really felt like I "brought it" anyway when it came to the blog, at least not as much as others did.
Anyway, thanks for reading. I'll leave you with an image that's been haunting my dreams. I swear, I could hear anything about this woman and it wouldn't faze me. "Britney was caught eating her babies and washing them down with a chocolate Frosty? Huh."
 January 22 The Hitcher, and a deeply creepy true storyJust read a very strange and unsettling story about the guy who wrote the original version of The Hitcher. By the way, I am officially starting to feel really old...they're now making remakes of movies I watched the first time around.
Anyway, saw this linked and kept going deeper and deeper to find more and more detail. Here's the article that yielded the most detail. Chilling and creepy and Hollywood at the same time. Worth a read. January 05 waiting for trafficBack at work for the new year, it's 7:20pm on a Friday and I'm still at work due to two factors
I'm about to say f it and leave anyway, but figured I'd dash off a quick blog entry to ring in the new year. Like many others, I made some fairly informal resolutions (that's an oxymoron I guess), which include
So there you have it. No marathons or triathalons, nothing fancy. I think and hope I can manage it. P.S...RIP, James Brown P.P.S...Go Seabags! December 19 Xmas tuneQuick update because I'm tired of looking at Christina Milian's armpit. Worst blog ever, that one.
Here's a great Xmas tune to get everyone in the christmas spirit by Kurtz family favorite Tittsworth November 21 Name that body part!So, take a look at the photo below and comment with your guesses as to the following
-what is it?
-to whom does it belong?
I'll reply with the answer in a couple days once people have a chance to check it out.
********
Super-sexy update!
Here's the source photo Christina Milian...I still don't really know who that is, so I figure the phrase "no-talent hack" probably applies.
 November 14 my burfdayOnce again, had a nice post almost done and decided to upload a photo. The photo upload tool crashed spaces and I lost my entry. For the fiftieth time, "fuck you spaces!"
Ahem.
Anyway, figured out what I want to do for my birthday. My better half should probalby be sending out more details shortly, but the upshot is that I'll be going to dance my ass off to Baltimore Club badass Tittsworth. Ever since the Lowbudget and Spankrock shows, I've been convinced that Baltimore Club is the shit that gets the party the most crunk.
Here's a mix he did so you can see what he's about. Love those remixes of Prototype and Spottyottydopalicious.
Other things of note
Anyway, come on out, shake your booty, or just kick it and get tips'. Maybe both. November 09 ...without my RADIOOOOOOI buy a lot of music from Turntablelab...these are the guys who brought the heat on their blog with all the local dances I blogged about earlier.
Well, some of their employees just dropped the first of a weekly "radio" act showcasing the best of what turntablelab has to offer.
Be sure to pay attention at the 42:10 mark for an interesting exclusive version of Vans, by Yay Area kiddie act The Pack. Pretty cool.
"you're ill" November 08 to paraphrase Ice Cube...Yesterday was a good day. Here's some cool stuff that happened.
October 13 Local Dance Craze DeathmatchPursuant to my previous post bout the Wu-Tang Slide (which turns out is not necessarily just from Philly), The guys over at the TurntableLab Blog are throwing down with a series of YouTube videos demonstrating local dances!
I would absolutely LOVE to put in here right about now, but you'll have to head over to the link above to check them out. Thanks Spaces!
Anyway, this is so great. I luv the internet. You get the Brooklyn Chicken Noodle Soup done by some sweet old dudes, some lil kid doing Thizz Dance from the Bay Area, one of the cutest videos I've ever seen (demonstrating the Spongebob from Baltimore), a little Jamaican action with the Stookie and the Dutty Wine, the god only knows where One Leg Up, and the Walk It Out from Atlanta. Go a little further down the blog and you can relive the Wu-tang Slide and experience Rockin' Off for the first time.
Something about dancing, people representing where they come from, and being able to watch a ton of examples right in a row to compare and contrast...it's so cool. Kinda speechless about it, all that really killed me.
October 11 The Philly Wu-TangA little recipe I found on the internet. Take...
2 parts Krumping
add 1 part Baltimore Club
add 1 part Horse Stance
add 1 part Matrix bullet-time
add 1 part Wu-Tang Clan (you need no link for that)
add 2 parts Philly
and you get...
_______________________
The Philly Wu-Tang
Check out how these guys from Morgan State rep it. Heat!!! I love how fired up they get in the video.
This is something I think Gina (and the other hip-hop loving martial arts practitioners in our social circle) would absolutely NAIL. October 06 The hottest women alive (to 15 year old Roger in Reno, at any rate)I think this is the only time you'll ever see two hair-metal posts in a row on my blog (at least I hope so), but you're going to have to deal with it for now.
So I saw an embedded hair-metal video from YouTube on another blog (for those who really want to know, it was Slaughter's "up all night"), and this immediately made me wonder what sort of other gems were out there waiting to be rediscovered. So I thought briefly about which long-lost hair metal gem I most wanted to see, and one video immediately came to mind.
Yes! YouTube had "Desert Moon" by Great White!!!!!! (parenthetical note: yet another "fuck you" going out to MSN Spaces here. Every single other blog service allows you to embed YouTube videos into posts, why can't Spaces? The worst part is that if you switch to HTML view to insert the code, then switch back to edit the post, the video window shows up...but upon actual posting, Spaces strips out the HTML you use to embed the video in a pitiful attempt to be like, "what, you never tried to embed a video, your memory must be going in your old age, pally." <Shatner voice in Star Trek II>SPAAAAAAAAACESSSSSSS!!!</Shatner>) Why did "Desert Moon" pop into my head as the one hair-metal video I most wanted to see? I am not a Great White fan (even before their fateful "Now, When We Said 'Let's Set this Club on Fire With Our Rock And Roll', We Did Not Mean That Literally But That's Just How It Happened Farewell Tour" tour). Nor was this a video I saw a ton of times. However, back in the day, I was convinced that this video had the HOTTEST WOMEN ALIVE in it. Even hotter than that girl in the Rawkon t-shirt I saw at King's Skate Country that one time. And she was really hot. Anyway, I saw this video only once, but was absolutely entranced. Two women, both blonde, but oh so different. One seemed like the girl-next door type, at least from her dressed-down but still way sexy high-waisted rolled-leg jean shorts and tucked in wife-beater. The other hinted at worlds I never knew existed, in her sophisticated floral print sheer blouse with black bra underneath. I was captured. You know, usually, there would be one hot chick taking the lead role, and a whole raft of nondescript ones filling out the roster. Not "Desert Moon"...both brought the pretty. I never saw the video again. And none of my friends ever saw it. Not even Mark, who seemed to watch as much MTV as I did. So clearly, that shit stuck with me given that this video I hadn't seen in 16 years immediately surfaced as the no-brainer answer to "which hair metal video would I like to see most right this instant?" Lil' 15 year old hormone-addled Roger was totally caught up in these two video chicks. I mean, is that really what people do when they party in the desert? I lived in the desert and I was never in a position to say, "hey baby, why don't I just set up this sheet and you can dance seductively behind it while disrobing?" Upon starting the playback, I was absolutely giddy with anticipation. Would these ladies be as hot as I remembered them? Would I be mentally transported back to early high school, where the highlight of my day would be seeing down Dawn's shirt in English class? How much did Reno's predilection for high-hair really affect my taste in women? Was the worldly blonde's blown-out perm the reason I like Gina's Mexi-Curl (TM) look so much? Man, just seeing the Headbanger's Ball logo pop up at the beginning made me long for simpler times, when a man was a man, but if he was on MTV, he probably looked like a chick. Anyway, I really wish it lived up to the hype. It wasn't that the women weren't as hot as I remember them, it's that the video quality is too poor to tell. Take a look and judge for yourselves. Actually, I just watched it in full screen and they're still totally foine. Yeah! HAIR METAL RAWKS AND RULZ! September 22 Bad Idea Jeansoh man. I call this one "The Bitter Taste of Regret Reminds Me of All the Hairspray I Used to Use". I'd say this guy woke up one morning with a huge hangover and an achy back wondering "what the hell did I just do", but it really looks like this is an accumulation, gathered over years and years.
Just look at that. Savatage? Firehouse? LA Guns? I think that's Brittany Fox (sp?) down by the beltline! I haven't even deciphered all the names yet, but it's like a neverending trip down memory lane. A bad trip down memory lane.
September 19 dog-privationquick anecdote about the Rooster
I picked her up from the kennel after our weekend in LA and drove in to work. I figured I could keep her in the car during the day, as it was cool, overcast, and borderline rainy. I cracked the windows a bit to give her some fresh air, but not too much to get the car all wet should it really decide to rain. I can't bring her into the office because people have been doing that recently and a crackdown ensued.
After dealing with most of a crazy day at work, I realized I had forgotten about her and went outside around 2 to take her for a walk and get her some water to drink. It was warm and sunny outside, and I hadn't known since I hadn't seen outdoors all day. So I hustle over to the car and start unlocking the door.
Roo is asleep in the back and doesn't even move when I open the door.
I'm thinking, "holy shit, I have just killed our dog."
Finally she gets up, very groggy, and starts to walk. I tie her up in front of the building in the shade and get her some water. On her way to the front of the building she essentially pisses dust she's so dried out. I come back and she promptly drinks 2 1/2 MS styrofoam bowls of water and begins to look more normal. I breathe a sigh of relief as I realize I might not have killed our lovable mutt after all. Hybrid vigor baby!
I have to deal with the rest of the fire drill back at the office, so I put her back in the car, crank the windows almost all the way down, and give her fresh water to drink. She's looking pissed at being back in the car, but more or less ok and the car isn't as hot as it was.
2 hours later, I'm on the phone when I hear something like galloping horses or a big fan turning on. After a few minutes of curiosity I realize it is probably raining like crazy outside, and the sound I hear is the rain on the roof. I cut the call short as I realize that my car is probably filling with water. I look outside a colleagues office and notice to my dismay that I'm right. It is pouring outside. I ask how long it's been going on, and my colleague replies, "well, it's been raining for about 10 minutes, but this is just a drizzle compared to what it was doing before." Greeeeeat.
I run outside, and when I get near the car, I give a whistle. This usually gets a quick response from Roo, but I don't see anything moving inthe car as I approach. I bend over and look inside to see how wet my car and my dog are, and...
THERE IS NO DOG IN THE CAR.
Here's where I lose my shit. I holler and whistle for Roo while looking around and praying she didn't wander out of earshot. After about 5 seconds of yelling, I feel something touch my arm, and there she is in the back seat, looking more or less like a drowned rat. Totally confused, I open the driver's side door and feel around on the seats and floor for a warm spot to see where she had been sitting. Turns out she had tried to flee the deluge by curling up as far under the glove compartment as possible, with a general lack of success. Thank god.
I drove home with a wet ass but a happy heart. I did not kill our dog. I did not lose our dog. I was a really shitty owner, but she seems ok and even wagged her tail at me when we got home.
September 15 for the hatersto those who doubted the veracity of this inflatable doll swim race I participated in (per a blog entry below), I've found the commemorative video. I don't think Judy and I made the cut in the video, but man, that river was fast! I had forgotten how bad it was.
September 14 quick snapshot: ol' job vs. new jobSorry for the lack of updates recently, I haven't been much in the mood to blog. here's a quickie, though.
Every once in a while, something happens at work that serves to drive home just how different it is at my current job as compared to my old job. Initially, it was simple things like looking into the hall and seeing a side body panel from a Bigfoot monster truck hanging on the wall outside my office. Nowadays the moments mostly deal with interpersonal communication. Something happened yesterday that once again reminded me that things are pretty different over here.
Back in the day, when something would go off the rails due to gross incompetence, laziness, or lack of follow-through, a conversation to help resolve it would go something like this...
************
Me (talking to someone else about the context of the problem): "I would love to get to a point where we can manage this process expediently and conveniently for everyone concerned. Don't want to add more work or randomization, but taking care of our customer is of paramount importance and I'm looking forward to getting everyone on the same page to make sure that happens."
Other: "Totally agreed. I'll get the word out to make sure that things move smoothly from here on out."
Me: "Thank you very much! Let me know how I can help get things back on track."
************
That's the old world. Here's the new.
A recent project has become a bit of a cluster over here. I got a disturbing email that cast the project into doubt, so I figured I'd give one of my colleagues a ring to see where this person stood on the subject.
**************
Other (picks up the phone, this is his salutation after seeing me on caller ID): I wrote an email in response and you're on the cc line.
Me: uh, hello?
Other: yeah. Wrote an email. You're on cc.
Me: ah, ok, let me know if there's any way I can help.
Other: By the way, this guy XXXX [who wrote the disturbing email] is a real fucking moron. (hangs up).
Me: (stares at phone, mouth agape)
**************
aaaaand, scene!
I admit that I enjoy the directness and honesty I get in my current role. I spend a lot less time crafting emails for the right tone, spinning negatives into "looking forward to improving this!" type of statements, and reading between the lines of what other people are saying to deduce their true meaning. I save that for clients now. I almost always know what people are thinking because they just come out and say it straight.
That said, stuff like this still leaves me dumbfounded.. I was trained to always be polite, positive, and civil, even at my most frustrated or angry. Never refer to another person in a negative way, the closest one could come would be to describe the absence of positive things. The occasional "shit" or "damn" would occasionally come out in a meeting, but strictly to reinforce how strongly one felt about a situation, and never ever directed at another person. I did this with relative success...I thank 2 years of answering every email CompareNet received, 8 years of directly supporting customers, and my ultra-professional managers for driving the point home when I got out of line for granting me the bulk of these skills. Also, Ma and Pa didn't raise no asshole...always say please, always say thank you. Stong handshake, look 'em in the eye. I certainly wasn't perfect in this regard at my old job, but it's pretty much how I work.
I don't think this difference is necessarily bad (though I could deal with hearing fewer ad hominem attacks as it makes me wonder what horrible stuff people say about me
 ), just different. Even after almost a year it still takes me by surprise.Old Job:
New Job
 August 31 Judy is not a personal flotation deviceI just saw this article on Deadspin and laughed my ass off. I mean, at the starting line, I totally knew that guy was doing something dirty. Judy and I did our best, and I will say that her lack of anatomical correctness did reduce my temptation to get jiggy during the race, but in the end, I think this dude's sex drive led him to victory.
here's a shot of me and Judy doing what we could to win. Judy, it ain't your fault baby, I just didn't have what it took. You were the best inflatable racing partner I guy could have asked for.
Judy, I just can't quit you!!!!
July 27 GWAR!Didi sent me a link this morning via IM of the 10 most ridiculous black metal pics of all time. That link is well worth a click, but it reminded me of a story...yes, I'll be providing my own content today for a change.
When I was a wee lad, I loved metal, and I thank Mark Jordan for getting me into it. Iron Maiden, Metallica, Pantera, etc. One of my favorite metal groups in high school was GWAR. These guys were awesome.
I mean, being a young, depressed, dumb kid into D&D and video games, discovering a band that broke most every taboo (but in a fun way) while wearing crazy costumes and creating their own mythology was a revelation for me, plain and simple. GWAR appealed to my friends as well, so it was a good time. Songs like "Death Pod", "Sexecutioner's Song", and "Black unt Huge" would definitely be on the soundtrack CD to my high school experience (an experience that was likely fairly similar to a Todd Solondz movie without the weird sex).
Anyway, I got more into hip-hop as my high school experience went on, and once I got to college I mostly stopped. But I was checking out the local show listings sophomore year when I discovered that GWAR would be playing live in Mountain View!
As some more context, GWAR live shows are really the zenith of the GWAR experience. Not only do you get the usual metal crowd with all the danger and purposeless violence that promised, you also get the full-on GWAR experience, with onstage ritualistic sodomy, full costumes, and a big, mythology-driven story (I think it was along the lines of GWAR vs. Crypto-Destructo, but I may be misremembering) to go with the concert! I was so there.
So, being the absolute moron that I was back then, I decided to ask this girl I had been sorta into if she wanted to go. Anyway, I did take quite a bit of time to explain the show and what would happen there, and then invited her at the end in a jokey way. She agreed, so off we went with my friend Matt Pearl as the third.
No, I do not know how I thought this would be a good idea. She liked the Screaming Trees, for God's sake. She was from Rancho Palos Verdes.
As we wait in line outside, I ask the young lady whether she's ever been to a metal show before. She had not. I then began to get a sense of how things would turn out, but I resolved to stay positive, to make sure she didn't fall down or get beaten up, and to minimize her exposure to some of the more lurid and seamy aspects of a GWAR show. Thus, I encouraged her to stay in the back with me, far from the mosh pit and the stage.
So we're standing about 50 feet away from the stage, near the back of the room. The show begins, the opening act finishes, and GWAR appears on stage. At this point, life is pretty good for me. I finally get to see my metal idols in all their splendor! And the first couple minutes really live up to the billing.
After the first song ended, Slymenstra Hymen, the lone female member of GWAR, strutted on stage and yelled, "You about ready to get this f****** party started?" Upon receiving the adulation of the crowd, she turned around, bent over, and thanks to some fancy hydraulic equipment that was part of her costume (that's just how GWAR rolls), shot a long, sustained jet of blood out of her vagina. For what it's worth, this kind of stuff is fairly common at GWAR shows, but it's another thing entirely to experience it live.
This was no small squirt, this was more like a firehose. I was stunned, entranced, and deeply impressed. The spray played across the plastic-wrapped ceiling, then as she moveed her butt around on the stage, the stream meandered farther back in the room, and finally, this gusher of menses formed a perfect parabola, much like a hemoglobin-rich version of the crazy water sculptures at Disney World. At one end was Slymenstra Hymen's crotch. And at the other end?
My girl's face.
Yes, a 50 foot long jet of vaginal effluence hit this young lady full in the mouth, bathing her petite, cute features, soaking the Stanford sweatshirt she was wearing, and making the floor right by us exceedingly slippery. Such was the concentration and focus of the jet that I was left largely unscathed, save for some spattering that came off my "date". She turned to look at me, mouth agape, blood streaming down her face. This girl had a pretty pale complexion, but the only white thing I could see were her eyeballs. Everything else was covered.
I will never forget that look.
The crowd roared its approval. My boy Matt was convulsed with laughter. I was aghast but couldn't help laughing at the same time. I mean, what are the chances that you get hit in the face with a sustained gusher of sloughed uterine wall? Less than drowning in your backyard pool, right?
What to do? Take lemons and make lemonade. I turned to her, said, "oh hey, you've got something on your face. Hold on a sec." I licked my thumb, wiped a small area of her cheek (which succeeded only in making my thumb red), told her, "ok, all set." And went back to watching the show.
God love her, she was a total trooper. She took it all in stride and stayed for the rest of the show (which included one of the band members clocking a fan with his bass after the guy broke his costume, a latex-costumed pope getting sodomized with a big cross, and band members flinging feces into the audience). Her committment really impressed me. For what it's worth, the blood was fake (obviously), so at least it was sanitary. That said, I'll leave it up to you to decide whether our relationship progressed anywhere beyond shallow friendship after that. :)
There you have it, my best concert story ever. I hadn't thought of it in many years, so thanks to Didi for sending me down memory lane. July 26 sorrysorry I'm only farming y'all out to external links rather than generating my own content, but these past three things have been too good not to share.
So, today I was reading one of my favorite blogs and was pointed to this...
What perfection. Why, hot chicks, why?
July 25 The global village, part 2. Chorizo goes mainstream!read a heartwarming article on Deadspin today that is apropos given the "global village" topic of my last post. The Milwaukee Brewers have added a new representative to their "Racing Sausages" mascot team...bienvenido Chorizo!
It warms my heart to see Hispanic culture embraced like this. The chorizo will be wearing a sombrero and an outfit with the colors of the Mexican Flag. Yeah, that's not stereotypical at...oh wait.
Anyway, I wonder if they'll occasionally bring out a "bowl of scrambled eggs" mascot if they ever do a tag-team/relay race? Everyone knows that's how chorizo is best.
Roger
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